I'm back

I think it's time to get off this Cymbalta once and for all. I'm going to get real here and give you more information than I ever thought I'd share. Two things to keep in mind. First, I'm going to share my latest blood work. I have to find my previous blood work, when I do, I will share that as well. I'll share my diet and what I have done on my own.
Second, please note, I am not going to try to get off my medication just yet. I can't do it. I cannot go through the withdrawal yet again. I can only go so far then I realize I have to start taking it yet again. Next week we leave for nationals. It's ryan graduation and I don't want to go through the depression and suicidal tendencies with it being his senior summer.

I think the only way to get off Cymbalta is go into a detox program or try the ketomine treatments. Both are expensive. I know ketomine is not covered by insurance. While detox most likely is,  I have a $12,000 deductible on my insurance which makes that cost prohibitive.

To my blood work. My glucose is high HbA1c is 5.8 and my fasting glucose hovers around 120.

I just found out I have non alcoholic fatty liver. This type of fatty liver is caused by high glucose. Then I have something called high systemic inflammation.  All this is caused by high blood sugar.

I don't know the exact date, I have to put in a request for the paperwork later today, but when you numbers started climbing (about 5 years ago), I took things pretty seriously and went on the Atkins diet plan. Months later I went back to have my blood retested and there was no change. Shortly there after I watched some TV commercials for Cymbalta and saw they quake high blood sugar as a side effect. I admit it took a couple of months to put this together. Then I came to realize, fat and happy. Or, skinny and dead..

I still put the low/no carb diet into my lifestyle and thought for sure I'd see the numbers go down or stay the same. Sadely, they climbed up a few points.not diabetic yet, but definitely pre-diabetic. Still, I was happy and still knew I couldn't give up my Cymbalta but I'd try to cut down. That's when my husband found me curled up into a ball in the back of the closet. I didn't try to kill myself but I knew if I left the closet I would. Time to get back on my dosage.

Today's Withdrawal

Luckily, no brain zaps. However, my back is killing me. It's not my typical back ache. No, this is more like an ice pick being jabbed in my spine.  It hurts like a bitch. My feet  are all tingley and sometimes my right hand as well. I am retaining water and my legs and feet are so swollen it hurts.Have a headah5 and my fingernails feel like jelly and are peeling off.  I'm writing this at
12:45 at night so the insominia is still going on. I really need to get some sleep. So much so, I am refilling my lunesta tomorrow. This sucks.

Blogging doesn't come easy

This whole share your life online for everyone to see really is hard for me to do. But, I'm currently on my 4th attempt to quit my crazy medications and try to heal what little I have left of my brain cells. Honestly, I'm not quite sure what this medication has done to me. I'm in denial and refuse to watch or read about what has been happening to my brain. Dr. Oz. (who is my favorite) even did an episode on antidepressants. My mom called, be sure to watch was the message she left for me. I dvr'd it but later erased it. I couldn't watch and I'm too embarrassed to even admit this to her or to my husband and family. Denial

Now that we know big brother is indeed watching our every keystroke (is being paranoid part of anti depressant withdrawal?) I really don't want to blog about my journey. However, it seems of importance to me to keep some sort of journal. To let everyone who wants to read this a sense of what these awful drugs have done to me. My goal with this blog, to let everyone know what they are getting into. What my Dr. and the pharmacial giants have done to me. It's not pretty.

So, as I blog it's important to note this is my 4th attempt to wean off my meds. Lets get started.